I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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