she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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