Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
