Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
