What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
