Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My bed smells like the plague
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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