ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
