if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
PS: I just woke up from my shower
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
God, I missed his penis.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
