he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
