It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
