Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
