a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
