that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
