guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
