you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
