the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
