I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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