is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
