Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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