you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
