toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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