My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
