there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
