He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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