Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
there is puke in my bra ... again
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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