in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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