I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
