i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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