Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
