Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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