You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
