so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
