I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
