Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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