I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
