hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
