I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize