So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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