then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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