we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I will pee on everything he values.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
