Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
