life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
