I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
