this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
