i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
