Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
