So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
