That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
