So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
