Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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