yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize