I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
