I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
