I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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