We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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