did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
