So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
