my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize