I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
