Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
