I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
