It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
