god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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