At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
