I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
