she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
