While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
