mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
