I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize