I'm laying in your front yard are you home
now i know why i became what i already was.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
