man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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